Covid, Valentine's, and Rage as a Map.

Today I present to you: a random assortment of thoughts.
Like a box of shiny, foil-wrapped chocolates from a slightly feverish mind - because it's almost Valentine's Day and I do, in fact, have Covid.

Welcome to my state of slightly achy, chilly, delirium. We'll see how this goes?! 

***
Covid.
I felt off on Monday.  I had a mild sore throat and a tiny bit of congestion, so I did a rapid test and it was negative. It'd been a really busy week prior - getting back to evening activities, a couple of social dates, a bit of PMS-related insomnia - so I just chocked it up to fatigue. 

I went to bed early Monday night, woke up at 5:30am feeling great - like, really great - and I pulled on my sneakers and pink toque and headed out for a walk. It was warm and spring-like, I had a long list of projects to tackle, and everything felt positive and exciting as I headed home for my morning coffee. 

By lunchtime, I could feel my muscles aching in that weirdly specific flu-like way. I rapid tested again, and voila! Positive. And the day devolved. 
Calling any close contacts, grabbing kids from school, prepping for a 5-day isolation period, rearranging schedules, freaking out over travel plans... you know, pure panic.

Luckily, this seems to be quite mild for me, I have the greatest husband in the world who calms me like no other, and while there are many hoops to jump through - this could actually be a good thing for travel (once I'm cleared my immunity will be super high for 3 months and, apparently, travel officials love themselves a recovery document).

***
Valentine's day. Love it or hate it? 
I know it's commercial and cheesy but I just LOVE the colours and the flowers and the chocolate. I can't resist. We'll be scrambling to pull together some class cards once we're out of isolation and I'm going make some sort of pasta + salad combo for dinner and a chocolate pound cake for dessert. #foodjoy

How 'bout you?

***
Managing tough feelings.
I was listening to a great podcast with Martha Beck and Glennon Doyle earlier this week where she talks about rage and resentment as your best friends. She says - they show up when CULTURE is trying to force you into a box that you don't want to be in. 

She suggests raging out on paper when this happens until you find relief...
It felt particularly applicable to food and body work.
CULTURE tells you you should eat like THIS or look like THIS or weigh THIS much and the rage is scream shouting, "NO!!!!". 

The rage is saying - let me be me. Let me figure out the right way to eat and move and exist in the world, on my terms. 

The next time you find yourself in a spiral of bad body or food thoughts, try it!
Rage out on paper: write down all the things you're sick of, that you want to end, that you're tired of and fed-up by and just F&*che&*sdlk$%#aksjkas (that's me shaking my head, hands and body all around, maniacally). You know what I mean?

When you're done (this is my addition) - look at your paper and say aloud "I'm willing to see this differently. How can I see this differently?"

And then start to write again - but this time write about how you WANT IT TO BE.
How you want it to feel. 
What you want it to look like. 

And that, my friend, is your Valentine's Day love letter to yourself.
XO
Jill